IFA = International Flatscreen Abundance

 

IFA Berlin

IFA actually stands for Internationale Funkausstellung, which sounds a lot more fun than what you would actually get to experience were you to attend this affair.  Which I did.

Let me tell you about it.  I promise that even if it is incredibly boring (not unlikely), it will be more interesting than what I had to go through to bring you this story.  I will try to keep it as brief as possible.

WHAT I EXPECTED

I guess I was just hoping to see a lot of cool gadgets.  I was hoping for prototypes and concepts and wacky materials and a general feeling of cutting edge experimentation.  But mainly, I really was hoping to see some cool gadgets.

WHAT I GOT

I got a lot of fucking flatscreens.  Not to mention flatscreen mounts, fabric to embed on the side of your flatscreen, armani/Samsung flatscreen collaborations, flatscreens with no edges, industrial flatscreens containing internal computers and dvd players, and epilepsy inducing universal remotes to operate aforementioned flatscreens.

There was also a lot of unrecognizable things that said HDMI, a few projectors and laptops, and the odd jewelry steamer.

HIGHLIGHTS

1.  My favourite part was definitely the China pavilion.  First of all it seemed like the same 6th grader designed every stand’s display posters.  Secondly, since this was the last day of the fair, they had hand drawn signs on pieces of torn out notebook paper indicating that they were now selling everything they had on display (at ridiculous prices).  This included perhaps my favourite item of the day – the poop alarm.  It plays a melody (or has a blinking LED light – there are two models) when it detects either urine or feces in your infant’s diaper.  The bad breath detector with 5 LED lights (the more lights, the worse your breath) took second.

2.  I also loved the VIP areas.  The major manufacturers (Samsung, Epson, etc.) had elevated or second floor “lounge” areas where you could enjoy a few drinks if you had the proper accreditation.  Somehow this seemed a bit like having an awesome gym at an old folks home.

Overall it was not a very gratifying 4 hours.  But at least I didn’t have to spend 54 hours over the past 6 days there like Nell and Maria did.

Nell and Maria

They were just two of hundreds of promo girls and guys who were, by day 6, listlessly walking around their booths’ displays.  I feel like they (the promo people) should all be encouraged (at least on day 6) to get very drunk.  Everyone would have a better time.

So, the IFA.  Don’t go.